Real Think Tank: Jesus, Will You Be My Valentine?

Jesus, Will You Be My Valentine?

via Planet Atheism by Daniel Florien on 2/14/10

jesus_is_my_valentine_button-p145327385904808895t5sj_400 I gave my wife a laugh this morning when I told her that, this year, Jesus was my Valentine.

If you doubt that people sincerely say things like that, you haven’t been reading this blog long enough.

Here is a terrible alliterative poem entitled “Will You Be my Valentine” by Abba Lin:

Valentine’s Day, such a day of Love.
Always makes me think of God above.
Lovingly, He gave us His Son.
Eternally, He will be the One.
Never will I not be fine.
Truly, He is my valentine.
I’ll tell my Jesus, I love Him so.
Never will He let me go.
Every second He’s loving me.
Seeing that I ‘m eternally free.
Doing God’s will and holding tight.
Always helping me to do what’s right.
Yes, He’s my valentine , every day and night.

And then there’s this post from “Jesus the Radical Pastor” that is almost worse:

At the cost of his life, he gave us St. Valentine’s Day. He laid down his life for Jesus. From the cross, Jesus asks, “Will you be my Valentine?”

Seriously? While Jesus is hanging on a fucking cross, he’s asking me to be his Valentine? How can anyone stomach this stuff?

And then there are the tweets. Oh my god, the tweets! Let me give you warning, reading these will lower your IQ:

Up this morning preparing for a wonderful day. Jesus is my Valentine (#)

If u don’t have a valentine…remember Jesus loves u more than anybody could n will!!! (#)

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!! You are special to Jesus and He loves you! If you follow Him, He will take you on an awesome adventure! (#)

Good Morning Beautifuls! Happy Vday! Jesus is my Valentine!! He is sooo good to me! (#)

To my Valentine Jesus Christ … I so LOVE you!!!! (#)

Jesus will u b my valentine? (#)

Girl he’s your 24/7 Valentine! And I’m sorry you have to share b/c he is MINES too! (#)

Married or not, I’d have to say that my PERFECT Valentine WAS, IS & ALWAYS will be Jesus Christ!! (#)

It goes on, and on, and on — those tweets are all within 30 minutes of each other. If you want to be depressed, you can see a real-time search. How did these people figure out how to use a computer? Is someone helping them?

It is impossible to satire this. The reality is so ridiculous, it can’t even be parodied.

Here are some more links just in case you haven’t retched enough: